A Jack in the World of Kings

Mediocrity.

That’s the truth you have to face, because you are one. You’re a mediocre student, with mediocre talents living in a world of masters.

So what is it really like being a jack in a world of kings?

Well, it’s hard, right? Most of the time, insecurities will eat you up. You’ll see your friends and classmates really excel in their respective fields of expertise and you’ll just be there, in the shadows, talking to yourself, asking your colleagues on your mind, “How to be you po?”.

It’s not that you can’t do what they can do. It’s just that they’re damn better than you are. It’s like you’re meant to be in the background, an understudy, a second or even a third choice, heck even the last choice.

It’s not that you don’t have a talent. You actually do. You have a lot of them actually, but everytime you try to explore one, you feel like you’re not enough, you’re not worthy.

You end up asking yourself. What really is your purpose in life? Why are you there? What is the quality that you have that makes you worthy of living in the world of masters?

Then you start to realize something. You may have mediocre talents, but at least, you have something of everything. You’ll find a lot in common with a lot of people, and the relationships that you’ll build with those people will be worth it, because those very people are the ones who will encourage you to be better than your mediocre self.

Then you make the most out of what you have and be the best version of a jack there is because you remember an old little saying: “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than master of one.”

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Funerals

People have always celebrated life in every way possible. The annual birth anniversary celebrations attest to this claim. Some people spend grand on their birthdays, some celebrate through simple ways. Regardless of how luxurious or plain a person spends on his/her birthday, there will always be a celebration.

Birthdays signify life. They represent the beginning of a journey of a person. The start of the countless obstacles in life. The first chapter of a story of a human being.

The opposite of birth is death. People do not celebrate death, at least to those close to the person who died. There are no joys that deaths could bring because it is the end of life. The last sentence of the story ended with a period. That’s it. No more.

People have always perceived death as a taboo thing because nobody would want their family or friends dead. But if came to a point where death is inevitable, drama could always be expected.

There will always, always be tears flowing in funerals. May the tears be flowing like a river, or a damp, tears definitely are shed. Maybe because crying is one of the most “human” and acceptable thing to do in such a tragic circumstance.

I’ve been to many wakes. Friends, family, family friends, acquaintances, school mate, teachers, soldiers; different kinds of people from my life, I’ve been to either a wake or a funeral. The atmosphere in these events are always gloomy. That is of course, as respect to the ones who are mourning.

Many traditions are followed when wakes and funerals for a dead person are being held. You can’t sweep the floor, everything that were used for the purpose of the wake should be buried along with the corpse, you can’t escort the visitors out of your house. These are only a few to the unending number beliefs that are followed on a wake. These little things are our “dead culture.”

I personally think that these traditions have at some edge, scientific explanation, no matter how little. Intuitions are usually born out the “basta-age.” Our “dead culture” was born out of unanswered questions, and I don’t see any problem with that. These things are what makes us who we are now. Yes, it’s nice to have some enlightenment regarding things, but sometimes, it is also good to hold on to traditions that do not have a concrete explanation because that is what death is, an unanswerable question.

What happens after death? Do you meet your creator? Do your soul go to another specie? What is death? Why is it possible? What is its purpose? Why can’t we live forever? What really does death mean to us? To the person who died?

These questions are and always will be unanswered, because no human has really come back from the dead to tell us what really transpires after the catastrophe. The only thing, however that is for certain are the things or people that will be left behind after the death of a person.

The legacy of the dead, no matter how small or big, will always have an impact to those who care. Because that is what people do, they care. And care is always seen on funerals, because on these events are when people who care about each other gets strength from everyone. In the funerals are where most people are vulnerable and strong at the same time.

Death separates a person from his/her loved ones, but death is also a perfect time to reunite the loved ones of the dead. It is a time for looking back into the past, see what the future holds, but most importantly, it is the time for the appreciation of the present. What transpires during funerals is a tragic, but magical thing. A funeral is a reminder of how short life is, and how much a person should cherish every waking moment of his/her life until the time of his/her wake.

Death should be celebrated. Death should be a happy event because it is the perfect time to reflect on things and celebrated all of the beautiful things that the dead has done in his/her life. Death is a bridge. Death is a passage. Death maybe separation, but it is also a reunion. Both for the dead and the loved ones.

Experience

They say that experience is the best teacher.

I say that’s definitely, 100%, bona fide right.

For me, reading, memorizing, and understanding, a concept can only give you knowledge. It can touch the cognitive part of your brain, but it will definitely not give you as much as experience does.

For instance, I, as a communication student, study how to write a script in accordance with a certain format. Understanding how copies and scripts are written and actually writing the article have humongous difference. Obviously. Memorizing your notes is like a walk in the part. You just have to recall what you encoded in your brain and that’s it. Writing a script, however, has a different feeling of accomplishment when done. It’s like a long bumpy walk in the park and in the end of the walk, you see an ice cream parlor, you ran to it and buy your favorite vanilla-flavored ice cream.

In life, learning something gets you somewhere, but experiencing something gets you anywhere. It is both an amazing and a scaring concept, but nonetheless true. Learning that having a failing grade in a subject from a friend leaves you terrified, but actually experiencing failing leaves you distraught, and hopeless, and ashamed.

So far, I have not failed a subject (God, I hope it stays that way.), but I have experienced other things.

Once I almost lost most faith in God because of series of heart-breaking events in my life. I learn a lot from people around me. I know some atheists and agnostics. They’re good people. It’s just that we don’t share some beliefs. We respect each other though. And that’s all that matters.

Almost losing my faith made me terrified. I felt like such a bad person. I grew up into a Catholic family, and I went to a Catholic school for all my primary and secondary years. It is natural for me to have a strong faith. But after battling with so many problems, I started to question Him. But I held on, ‘cause I know in my heart that I was just looking for someone to blame. He didn’t deserve that. I say sorry to Him every day for it, because eventually, even after I blamed Him for everything, He still gave me everything. Now, I am certain that I will never lose my faith in Him, ‘cause that’s the point of FAITH. You have to have FAITH because you have FAITH.

I’ve read and heard stories about people almost losing their faith and they have always touched me, but experiencing this battle gave me a life-lesson. It also made me discover something about myself; that I’m a firm believer of God, and I’m proud to be. I love you, Lord!

Every day we learn something new. Every day we experience something new. It is a relieving fact there are always something new in the world that we have yet to discover because in those discoveries, we often find ourselves either adjusting or adapting to. And it is also in these discoveries that we discover who we truly are as a person.

My experience in battling with faith made me believe in true love. ‘Cause they say that true love have ups and downs, and I firmly agree to that. Me and God, we have a mutual true love for each other. The only difference between God’s love and the love that humans give is that God’s love never ever fails, simply because it’s God’s love. No reason needed.
It is God’s love.
And that, my friends, is what you call FAITH.

I Probably Shouldn’t Be (Reflecting)

I probably shouldn’t blog.

I probably shoun’t write anything.

I should be memorizing countless psychology jargons, but here I am, doing something that will definitely not benefit me in terms of my academics, but will definitely benefit me in satisfying my soul.

_________________________________________________________________

I am not a good writer, but I love to write. I always want to reflect on all the things that faze me. This probably why I’ve written so many drabbles of poems on my planner. One of my favorite drabbles is the one I wrote when I was waiting for a class. I wrote it out of boredom. It’s not a good poem per se, but for me, these kind of poems are the best because they express the genuinity of an average person.

A game of waiting

A test of patience

Tick-tock the time is running

Hush-hush the sound of silence

_________________________________________________________________

I’ve been through a battle for the last couple of weeks. Not only was I physically exhausted, but also mentally. The heavy load of academics got to me and I found myself one weekend crying while singing the recently-famous “Tatlong Bibe” song. What a pathetic moment for me. I don’t regret crying though. It’s like the “cartharsis” of my depression. I needed to release some. It definitely made me feel better.

_________________________________________________________________

I’m scared.

I don’t want to take the STAT 1 finals, but I probably will. My pre-final exam is probably not high enough to exempt me from the finals.

The INSTAT will announce the finalists a day before the final exam. This fact scares me because if I happen to be a finalist, I would only have a day to learn the entire semester of STAT 1, considering that I flunked the whole semester, and I barely passed the midterm exam.

I hope the final exam would be much easier than the past exams, if not, then I’m dead. Hello, STAT 2 (get it? STAT 1 + STAT 1). Wish me luck.

________________________________________________________________

I’d get back to what I was doing before this. I’ve already written something. I am now  slightly relieved of the tension I was feeling.

Ciao!

_______________________________________________________________

UPDATE!!

I didn’t take the final exam of STAT 1. Turns out I was exempted! YAY!

The Now (Volume 4- 15 April 2016)

At last! I found the time to update this blog. I’ve been writing non-stop for the past two months, but not for leisure reasons. Those essays and articles I’ve written are all for academic purposes and it relieves me that I am writing this blog tonight.

I feel like I’ve deprived myself of my stress reliever. Anyways, I’m happy I get to write this right now.

There has been a lot going on in my life lately. There were many blog-worthy events that I have experienced recently, but unfortunately I just didn’t have the time for it. Duterte’s visit here in UPLB definitely is one of a kind. It made so much clamour on social media, and is definitely worth writing about. But I won’t do that, because that’s long overdue for me. I have many more things to write about that happened very recently and will happen in the near future.

Speaking of exciting events, tomorrow I’m going to Rizal and Manila for a field trip. I’m so excited ’cause me and my classmates are gonna be visiting different art museums. Though I’m not really art-inclined, I definitely look forward to the trip ’cause it’s going to be a new experience for me.

Wait. Let me just pause for a second. I can’t think of anything to write despite the fact that there are so many things to talk about. I maybe just overwhelmed by happiness because I am writing something today that is not for acads.

Okay let me sort out myself first. This is a “The Now” installment so I’m going back to the usual format of this series.

Recent Now

As I have said countless times already, there has been a lot going on with my life recently. Most of them are acad-related things, but maybe the most interesting thing that happened is that I volunteered for Bantay Halalan 2016. This program that I am taking part on is an election coverage of my college, College of Development Communication here in Laguna. I am so stoked for this because I know for a fact that I will be experiencing new things here in this program. I am not really an active person in terms of social events recently so I consider this as the first extracurricular activity I am taking part in my college life. I hope to perform very well.

I’ve noticed that I haven’t been functioning well lately. I am so affected with the heat that I get so tired easily. All I want is to curl up in my bed and just listen to a lot of rap songs. I never thought that a time would come that I’ll be entertained by Fetty Wap’s music. Who would’ve thought right? I mean. I’ve always said that I’m an old soul. I listen to old songs and old musicians, but I think that stress is really taking a toll on me making me browse some Fetty Wap songs. It’s good to explore new things.

Another source of entertainment recently are the Philippine debates. Three debates have been already conducted (two for presidential, and one for vice-presidential) and there is one more to go. During these debates, all we can hear the candidates say are series of ad hominems. Sure, it is entertaining to see politicians grill each other, but I really hope for the last debate to be executed well. I hope the candidates will finally say things with substance and not just mere insults to their opponents.

Another thing that has been happening lately is that random verified people have been following me on Twitter. Yes, they’re not famous (they probably got their verification through sponsors), but I find it odd to see them follow me. I know many other people experience this too.

Current Now

General Now

I can’t say much for the “very now” ’cause I am writing yet another narcissistic piece of article. I mean who writes about themselves? Me, I guess. I should divert my blog topics to other things that are relevant to life without including myself as a subject.

I’m such a twat.

Music Now

As I have said in the first part of this blog, I am currently fascinated with Fetty Wap’s magic. His song, “My Way” is stuck on my head no matter where I go. Eminem’s music has been on my playlist recently. Hip-hop music is a “hip” for me nowadays.

There, however, is one song that is not hip-hop, but has been on my mind lately. Fast Car by Tracy Chapman is such a beautiful song to listen to. Whenever I need to relax, Tracy’s song would be first on my playlist then I will switch to either Air Supply or Eagles.

Demi. Demi. Demi. Though I’m not really a fan of pop music, I am definitely a fan of Demi’s angelic voice. I just recently heard her cover for “Ain’t No Way” and “I Will Survive.” Let me tell you this, if you think she doesn’t have a good voice, you’re probably deaf or just a hater. She has such an angelic voice. I could listen to her all day.

Food Now

Craving for some buko pie.

Watch Now

There is nothing really that I am watching these days. I just go to the internet to update myself about politics and acads life (because most acad-related updates are usually on Facebook). I don’t follow any series (aside from Kalyeserye which I watch out of habit) nowadays. I think I’m over my obsession with TV series. I could finally survive the week without watching the latest episodes of The Flash, Arrow, and Agents of SHIELD. The super-busy life maybe has something to do with the change, but hey! I’m not complaining. Not having that kind of obsession makes more time for acads (charot).

Responsibility Now

Oh yeah. I have so much responsibility.

I feel like I’m currently taking up 36 units when in fact, it’s just 21 units. My subjects are all demanding, but I can’t really complain. I’m the one who insisted to enroll here in UP. I should’ve known what was coming.

Craving Now

Some peace and serenity.

Thoughts Now

Oh shit. I have less than 3 hours to sleep.

Need Now

KAILANGAN KO NG MARAMING ELECTRIC FAN ‘CAUSE IT’S SO MAINIT!!! CAPSLOCK PARA INTENSE

Future Now

Well, tomorrow is another day I guess. The future I have in front of me now is currently shaky ’cause I really can’t function well anymore. I blame my insanity to the heat!!!!!

 

I guess I have to go.

The Now (Volume 3- 9 February 2016)

Recent Now

Okay. I’m long overdue. My supposed ‘The Now’ update should have been posted last January 28, but guess what? Life happened. Nah. College happened. Just the first few weeks into the semester, and so many acad-related responsibilities already flock in. It’s okay though. Being a college student, whatever school you study in, is supposed to be like that. I know I’m one of the fortunate few who get to go to college, even more fortunate that I’m studying in the most prestigious school in the country.

Well, here we go.

To be honest, I’m happy. Genuinely happy, recently at least. Many things happened, but all of them are —meh. There are nothing much to write about those things anyway.

Current Now

General Now

As I have said, I have many responsibilities, (for example, I have to write a questionnaire for conducting a survey regarding a certain agency right at this moment, I also have to decorate something for an art class) but all is well as long as I am happy.

I’ve been meaning to learn how to play More Than Words in the guitar, and I just did a few minutes ago. I love the rhythm of the song, it’s an easy song, and it’s definitely a good song to play especially this season.

It’s cold outside. Los Banos is really feeling the breezy wind of February. Almost everybody are wearing jacket or a hoodie. It is in this season that a UP hoodie get handy, but unfortunately, those jackets are really expensive so I have to settle for whatever it is available in my wardrobe. I don’t really like spending much on things. I’d rather spend money on food.

Music Now

Well, I guess it’s obvious. More Than Words is my current jam. It’s good to learn new songs in the guitar. Makes me feel at peace.

I have said countless times that I’m an old soul so I’ll probably learn old songs instead of the new ones because well, the new ones all have the same G D Em C chord progression. Sometimes it’s G D Am C or Bm G D A C or F#m D A E, but those are really none of this blog’s concerns.

Food Now

Whatever it is that looks appealing in the La Ville canteen. And of course, banana and lettuce.

Watch Now

I just watched the latest episode of The Flash, and I’l probably watch the new Arrow episode later. There are many movies and TV series that I’ve downloaded for the past weeks, but unfortunately, I never got the chance to watch them. When time permits, I’ll be having a binge-watch schedule for one weekend.

Instead of a Netflix account, I had a HOOQ account. Well, my father gave me one, so I don’t have to pay for anything and I think I’ll be contented with this VOD site. I’m thinking of watching the old Encantadia series. I was such a fan back then, and I’m so excited that GMA will bring the show back for a remake. I hope they do well with. If not, well, there are still the old series waiting to be watched on HOOQ.

Responsibility Now

As I have said, I need to write a questionnaire, decorate for an art class, and so much more. I need to rush writing now ’cause in an hour, I need to go to an auditorium for a forum.

The things we do for acads.

Craving Now

Craving lettuce.

Thoughts Now

Hurry up, girl.

Need Now

A UP hoodie. It’s so cold in here. 😦

Future Now

I’m going to be busy a lot in the future, but I’ll probably update my blog more often than time permits because writing here serves as a stress reliever for me.

I hope that in the near future, I would be able to post a ‘Now’ volume that would have sensible contents. You know, the type of content that does not just matter to me. If I do that, it’ll probably be something that is full of politically-inclined opinions.

20 February 2016- Next ‘The Now’ update.

 

 

 

 

Old But New

It’s already the last hour of my 18th birthday and what better way to end the first day of my legality than to write (or type) away my feelings as I continue to devour the last pieces of my cake.

I did not have a grand celebration. No parties, no gowns, no roses, no dances. But somehow I already feel grand.

Today, I learned experienced two famous quotations in the world. “The truth will set you free.” and “Everything happens for a reason.” I am now a living testimony of these two overused, but “overtrue” quotations.

It was around 10 o’clock pm of the 30th of January when my celebration began. After I did the reflection paper for a subject (Yes, I actually did something productive this weekend.), my family surprised me with a pre-birthday celebration. They sang the infamous birthday song with party hats and other paraphernalia. Of course, we took pictures then we devoured the ever so tasty ‘pancit’ and the cake. I was happy, but….

The pre-birthday celebration was abruptly ended because we already needed to sleep. They did. I, however, stayed awake not because I’m waiting for my birthday, but because I need to stalk some celebrities on social media (Uhm..Hello! Bossing and Poleng just got married. And because the stalker in me arose, I needed to see pictures!). It wasn’t until a friend texted me a happy birthday that I realized that it is indeed my birthday.

My first thoughts? Pwede na akong makulong.

Me and my family went to the church to attend the Sunday mass then off we go to our favorite go-to place. Ayala Malls! We searched for a suitable restaurant to eat and we ended up in Buffet 101. Oh yum… I was so full. I most probably ate half of what I ate the whole week. It was so satisfying specially the last drink I had, black coffee (You know how much of a coffee addict I am.).

Towards the end of my high school, I promised myself that I would buy a quality guitar on my 18th birthday. I held on to that promise up until today. So me, my mother, and my sister went to find one. And that’s when all hell broke loose.

Everything was not going my way. If it’s not the color of the guitar, it’s the sound that I don’t like. But mostly, it’s the price that hinders me in finding the perfect guitar. We didn’t find one. We went to another mall, and I almost bought a guitar, but still, it’s just not the one. I want the perfect guitar for my 18th birthday, the perfect guitar for me. None of the guitars are what I’m looking for. Little did I know that it’s not even a guitar that I’m looking for, but somehow, along being frustrated, I found it. I finally found what I’ve been looking for for the past two years.

My frustration over the guitar made my whole day chaotic. Me, my mother, and my sister were all hot-headed. We came from the same blood, we’re all stubborn, specially me. At the time, it was the worst birthday that I ever had. Fortunately for me, it’s my 18th birthday! The one that is supposed to be extra special. (note the imminent sarcasm)

We went home with not just heavy eyes, but also heavy hearts. My only wish for my birthday did not came true. The tears flow freely on my face on the way home. I was so disappointed, it was my 18th after all. The burden that I felt was so intense that I wanted to curse everyone with everything I had. This is me being stubborn and selfish.

It is no news to my family that I became this guarded, apathetic girl for the past two years. I built my walls up and high to guard my already desperate heart. And as for the turnout of events of my birthday, I was all ready to build my walls even higher and stronger, but in the process of building these walls when suddenly, it collapsed.

I had a heartfelt talk with my mother and sister. I thought it’s going to be just one of those talks that will just make me more apathetic, but as more intense the talk get, the more vulnerable my walls got.

I was wrong. It was not the walls I built, it was a glass box, and I was in the center of it, stuck inside waiting for someone to break the glass. My mother and sister did. For the first time in my life, I truthfully and openly shared what really went wrong with me two years ago, and when I did share, it felt good. It felt freeing.

If you know me personally, you would know that I go to church every day. I go to church to pray for something, and the Lord gave it to me on my birthday. Happiness. For the first time in the past two years, I genuinely felt happy. God may not have given me my birthday wish, but He did gave me my life wish. Iba ka talaga, Lord!

To them, someday. Someday.

To my college ‘Beses’, I know you all think that I’m not a fan of the cheesy stuffs. You know, the casual “I love yous” and “lambingans”, but actually, I envy all of you because it’s so easy for all of you to say and do those words and things genuinely. I never felt that, not until now. So expect so many “I love yous” and “lambings” coming from me for the next days.

To my family, I know how much I have taken all of you for granted. I have been a pain in the ass for so long. I used to be the one who understands, but recently, I’m the one being understood, and it’s all because I’m weak and selfish and stubborn and afraid and empty. I love you all so much and I want to make things right with everyone of you. I now value your love more because today, I believe in it. Finally, I believe. I love you all, I love you.

To God, thank you for giving me the best gift that you can give me. I now know why everything that happened, happened. It’s because you want me to rediscover myself. I’m now the old but new me. There is nothing more that I can say than thank you and I love you.

To self, stay happy. Happy birthday!

The Now (Volume 2- 19 January 2016)

Recent Now 

There has been nothing much going on in my life lately. The past weeks have been uneventful mainly because it was recently the semestral break for me. If you know me in person, you would know that I’m really not the type of person who goes out of the house much. Yes, I am open to spontaneous adventures, but I really prefer being comfortable in my humble abode.

Over the vacation, I think I have read over ten e-books, watched countless TV series and/or movies, and written more than four songs.

As you can see, I am one day behind my scheduled ‘The Now’ update, but who will scold me really? I am the boss of me. At least for now.

Current Now

General Now

The sem officially started yesterday. I am so thankful to already have complete units, I don’t have to go through the burden of “prerog” anymore.

Music Now

Anything really. My taste in music really varies, but my love of rock music has been dominant lately, but my taste is very fluid. Maybe tomorrow, or next week, I’ll be listening to R&B or Indie, but today, it’s all about rock music.

Food Now

Just ate the viand I’ve been craving for for the last days. Trese Siyete’s Calamari meal is the best.

Watch Now

Binge watching The Royals. (I’m thinking of getting a Netflix account.)

Responsibility Now

Acads. Yes. Acads again. The never ending burden of academic responsibilities.

Craving Now

Craving nothing. Water maybe?

Thoughts Now

Oh crap, the sem started.

Need Now

Motivation for the whole sem. I am currently taking up 21 units, with PE and NSTP. I have a total of 9 subjects, three of which have laboratory classes, and one subject could be considered a whole course already.

Some people will say that having 21 units is easy, and that they take up until 30 units back in their college days, but believe me, I was already a mess when I took 18 units with no PE nor NSTP.

Future Now

I just need assurance that I will survive this sem. That’s all.

 

28 January 2016 – This is the date the I will post the volume 3 of The Now. (date picked by random.org)

 

Extraordinaire Holidays

Uhm…okay.

Christmas Block

‘Tis the holiday season. ‘Tis the season where many novel events and indescribable occurrences happen. But for some odd reason, I cant seem to write about the jolly things.

Yes, me and my family celebrated the Christmas together. Yes, we exhausted ourselves in preparing the food to eat for 24th’s midnight. I could write about the many experiences while cooking, heck I can even write about the kind-of disappointing and slightly stressful mass that we attended on the Eve, but every time I try to write about those things, my mind goes blank.

This current writer’s block is one evidence that I really can’t write about happy things.

New Year, New Uhm

January 1, 2016 has got to be the most extraordinary first day of the year in my entire life. So many things happened on this day, and unfortunately, most of them aren’t good.

It was definitely a whirlwind of events. Though the day started slow, come around 3 o’clock and everything turned 360 degrees. I thought that my 2015 was crazy, but I was definitely taken aback for how this day turned out. The happenings extremely caught me by surprise.

I’m not going to disclose the details of the day’s happenings but trust me when I say they involve demonic possession and shattering of glasses.

Sorry

This is probably the shittiest piece of writing that I produced. I just really want to update this blog.

Anyway, my holidays were definitely not well spent. I’m still thankful, but I’m definitely not looking forward to the next holiday season.

Quotable Quote

eleanor-roosevelt-no-one-can-make-you-feel-inferior-without-your-consent
(c) Google Images

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

I am a bookworm. I’ve read countless of books, I can’t count on my fingers how many. I love the constant unfolding of events using the author’s and my own imagination. The thrill of the events and the high intensity of the exchange between the characters are what excite me the most. Moreover, I love incorporating my own thoughts into the story that I am reading.

Having read many books, I’ve encountered numerous meaningful and empowering adages. Some left a huge impact on me, some not so much. However, there is one quote that I can say, really changed my life forever.

I did not directly hear Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous “no one can make you feel inferior” quote from her. I read it from the Princess Diaries books when I was a child. I still remember that day. It was the day my life was changed forever. I have to say that the moment I read it, I had an epiphany.

The honesty and the reality that the quote represents is just so eye-opening for me. I am actually in control whether or not I should let other people make me feel bad. I was so inspired and empowered when I read it that I made it my motto in life.

I was a fifth grade student back then, and up until now, the quote still gives me chills. I have goosebumps whenever I read or hear it somewhere. Eleanor’s quote gave me confidence and I’m sure that I’m not the only one.

Today, I am a college student. We all know that getting into college also means getting a lot of insecurities. Lately, I’ve been having more and more (insecurities). I realized that there are a lot of things that I really cannot do well. I came to a point I was in the verge of depression just because of these insecurities.

There was a day that the stress was more heavy than usual, it was really getting to me. I was browsing the net back then when I read my favorite quote. And Voila! I felt relieved. It was also the day that I decided to remind myself everyday that ‘no one can make me feel inferior without my consent,’ and thus the born of my daily ritual.

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October 8, 2015 was a beautiful day where my ‘be strong and conquer all’ journey started.

Ever since I started to write these words everyday, I feel like could get through the day. This routine of mine is one of the things I look forward to everyday. On my past blogs, I’ve showed my sappy and depressed side, but today, I want to send out good vibes. I want to show the world that even in the darkest times, little things can really make a person happy.

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I sometimes change the color of the pen that I write with, just to give color to my life that day. Also, the fact that these words are in a music sheet just makes me happy.

I am determined to make this ritual be a habit of mine for a very long time. If possible, I would do this for all of my life. How awesome would it be to sit on a rocking chair with gray hairs looking into these pieces of papers that made me happy?

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Yep, that’s the last one. 12/22/15 – today’s date.